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The Story Behind “Anywhere’s Fine (But Not There)”
“What do you want for dinner?”
“I don’t know. What do you want?”
“I’m fine with anything.”
“Okay, how about Thai?”
“Eh, I’m not really feeling Thai.”
“You just said you were fine with anything.”
“Anything except Thai.”
If you’ve never had this conversation, congratulations on your perfect relationship and also I don’t believe you.
The Universal Relationship Fight
This argument transcends culture, age, and relationship length. Newlyweds have it. Couples married for forty years have it. It is the great equalizer of romance.
He and I have had this exact conversation approximately seventeen thousand times. I wish I was exaggerating. I’ve started keeping mental notes because I knew—I knew—it would eventually become a song.
The thing is, it’s never actually about the food. It’s about decision fatigue. About wanting your partner to just pick something so you don’t have to make one more choice after a long day. About the weird power dynamic of “I’ll eat anywhere” versus “not there.”
It’s also, and I cannot stress this enough, about being hangry. Nothing escalates a dinner decision like two people whose blood sugar is plummeting.
The Night It Became a Song
There was one particular evening—I’m not proud of this—where the dinner conversation went in circles for forty-five minutes. Forty-five minutes. We could’ve driven to three different restaurants in that time. We could’ve cooked something. We could’ve learned a new skill. Instead, we sat in the car, getting progressively more irritable, rejecting every suggestion either of us made.
“Mexican?”
“We had Mexican two days ago.”
“Okay, sushi?”
“I had fish for lunch.”
“Burgers?”
“Too heavy.”
“WHAT DO YOU WANT?”
“I DON’T KNOW, YOU PICK.”
We ended up eating cereal at home. In silence. Not the good kind of silence.
Later—much later, after snacks had restored our humanity—we laughed about it. “We’re ridiculous,” he said. “You should write a song about this.” So I did.
Finding the Funny in the Frustrating
“Anywhere’s Fine (But Not There)” is one hundred percent a comedy song. It’s meant to make you laugh, send it to your partner, and say “this is us.”
But here’s the sneaky thing: it’s also about the intimacy of having stupid fights with someone. The fact that we’ve had this argument so many times means we’ve had thousands of dinners together. Thousands of evenings where the biggest problem we faced was agreeing on food.
That’s kind of beautiful, if you think about it. The luxury of a low-stakes fight. The privilege of being annoyed together.
(It’s still annoying though. Just pick a restaurant. I’m begging.)
Our Actual Solution (It Doesn’t Work)
People always ask if we’ve found a system. We have tried several:
The “5-2-1” Method: One person names five options, the other narrows to two, first person picks from those. In theory: elegant. In practice: “Those are your five options? Really?”
The Wheel of Dinner: We made a spin wheel. We ignored its results approximately 80% of the time. “The wheel said Chinese but I kind of want…” Then why did we make a wheel, Melanie?
Taking Turns Picking: “It’s your night to pick.” “I don’t want the responsibility.” “THAT’S THE WHOLE POINT.”
We’ve accepted that this is just our life now. Every few days, we will have this conversation. We will get slightly frustrated. We will eventually eat something. The cycle will repeat. This is marriage.
Who This Song Is For
Every couple who’s had The Conversation: So… all of them. Every couple. Send this to your person right now.
Delivery app companies: This should be your commercial music. I’m available. Call me.
Anyone currently hungry and annoyed: Listen to this, laugh, and then just pick something. Anything. I believe in you.
Road trips: This song is perfect for that moment when you’re passing exit after exit, unable to commit to any of them.
Here’s to the dumbest fights we have with the people we love most.
And here’s to eventually just eating cereal.
Hungrily yours,
Melanie
The Melanie Grace
P.S. — We’re having tacos tonight. I picked. Unilaterally. It felt powerful.
